Fuck it…

When significant events occur in our lives, they are like bells in a meditation- a huge opportunity for us to show up. Maya (illusion) loses her cover. Shit gets exposed. The good and the bad. We are summoned to the present moment. Everything cracks wide open, the light spills in and we have a small window, a chance, to get a good look at what’s there. It would be a pity to see it and fall right back into our old habits.

That’s the temptation, though. Fear is a powerful source and will try to push us back in time to that stuck place. It’s not that the fear will ever go away, we learn to smell it, hunt it even and choose love or life or whatever the alternative is over it. Much like we do when we invert.

Which is exactly what my life has been up to this summer. It’s in a handstand doing bicycle legs and giggling uncontrollably while I’ve been in seated meditation. We’ve swapped places. Nothing is as it was.

When one thing shifts, everything moves. It has to. Like clear water when you step into it. We practice flexibility and openness for these very moments. So that we can have courage in the face of fear, acknowledge it, and tell it to fuck off… We are going to let change in whether it wants us to or not.

How often do you make decisions, even in a single day, that go against your own grain? What I mean by that is- I have a pretty sweet life. I love my job, my sweetheart, my dogs and have shaped my life the way I want it to look. Yet, over this past month and a half I’ve realized how often I get an instinct about something and I chose to ignore it, or I’m slow to let something shift. Especially with letting things go. I. Am. So. Slooooowww. Even if the decision feels integrated and correct deep down in my core. And especially when it feels like it could be awesome. That’s almost scarier. I’ll feel like I don’t deserve it, or who am I to want things to be easier or better when life is meant to be hard. Isn’t it? Isn’t it?

Well, since everything is changing anyway, I’m choosing to ‘follow the breadcrumbs’ as my friend Emily puts it and develop more of a “fuck it” attitude. I’m choosing to embrace the change and follow it through regardless of the fear. I’m kind of exhilarated by it, to be honest with you and am finding that even though everything feels like it’s in a massive upheaval, this time, I am ok with it. And what’s even more curious is that lots of little things that are making life better are opening up. I think the plan is working, people! Is it possible that this follow the bliss deal attracts more bliss? I should know this, right? Being a yoga teacher? Well, I’ll let you know, but expect some changes coming soon in my schedule and such. For my Kula peeps, don’t worry, I’m coming home the first week of October. I can’t wait to see you. I just needed to get my strength back. I’m probably down to three or four of my nine feline lives so I plan to make the best of them.